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2nd Nov, 2009

hi, i am a retard

music: Another Way to Die - Alicia Keys ft. Jack White
ummm hi.

i'm a retard and i love it.

(some friend) says:
how do giraffes mate?

pacBen - is a chest thumping mental combat medic and a menace of equilibrium. says:
they pollinate.

(some friend) says:
okay.

someone says i need to go to the library to smarten up. sorry to say, being idiot is the new noir. YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS SO JOLLY WELL SURRENDER.

weekend has been happening.. well what weekend isn't happening when you have a hobbit of a cash cow with legs with you? yeah okay maybe you think i've a sugar mummy. irregardless.. two pairs of jeans, a nice long sleeved tee and new earphones are a real blessing for me ;p take everything and give nothing back yay.

okay lah but if you know me well enough i'm not an ungrateful cockbag. i just don't believe i had the financial muscle to return in kind, so i do what i can and be a tame, docile sugar son.

i'm having lesser to complain about work nowadays. which is good for everyone around me, from family, to chosen family, to my workplace. and ultimately for myself. of course there are the usual unintelligent moments which smack you hard in the face, but that makes every day that much more interesting no?

another inch of your life sacrificed for your brother, in the nick of time..
 
 

Posted at 19:36 | | mash a maiden? | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

4th Oct, 2009

hi, i'm living the lazy sunday.

mood: restless
music: Trash - Suede
 ummm hi.

THINGS TO DO ON A LAZY SUNDAY!

  1. wake up, take a dump
  2. piss the dog off
  3. greet mum good morning
  4. brush teeth and wash face (finally)
  5. read yan min's blog from the beginning once through, then a second time to spot all incidences of the word "Ben"
  6. laugh at yan min's emo blog entries
  7. wait for mum to come home
  8. stare senselessly at zits, spend 15 minutes looking for ziterminator cream
  9. play a really passive game and stare at the countdown timers, checking back every 10 minutes though you know something's going to take more than 24 hours to get done
uhhh and smoke in between all of that.

in any case mooncakes are one of the most overrated celebritarian food items you can ever put into your mouth. it has completely no nutritional value other than clogging your arteries and increasing your threshold for more mileage to do stuff. HOW MUCH DOES ONE NEED TO EAT ANYWAY?!

yeah i'm sure i just said that ;p but really lah, mooncakes are simply too commercial for people to bother about the reason behind them anymore.

Posted at 10:34 | | mash a maiden? | 5 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

3rd Oct, 2009

(no subject)

 pacBen - is a chest thumping mental combat medic and a menace of equilibrium. says:
 what did you do to your laptop

KENT says:
 hahaha
 not me
 my table collapse
 den the green tea which was on top of it
 spilled on my laptop
 den there u go
 GONE
 coma

pacBen - is a chest thumping mental combat medic and a menace of equilibrium. says:
 HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA SUCKER
 

Posted at 22:12 | | mash a maiden? | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

1st Oct, 2009

hi, i am weak.

mood: naughty
music: Keine Lust - Rammstein
 ummm hi.

i dislike my work, if you can even call what i do worth the value of the word "work". it's sheer lunacy. fuck my life really. i am going through the deepest, darkest phase of my life yet, i believe.. no i don't believe, i goddamn know it. you could have had a bad day at work, but at the back of your mind you know that sometimes the good times do roll.

at this very moment? i wish my head would roll off the top of my body. perhaps only then will the organistaion take me more seriously. and by then they'd have just lost another man. yeah like who gives a flying fuck yeah? no one in there is indispensable, even more so if you're stuck right at the bottom of the food chain. you are but a useless chess piece awaiting the grand jester's masterstroke.

i wand to go back to the days when i believed that unicorns lived to gallop their hooves away like the rest of the world didn't exist. if i knew back then what being in service IS or MIGHT have been like, i would've grown up a very different person right from the word GO.

i know what i want that i will never get. it's far from distant, beyond being good from far and far from good.. it's all just fuzzy; nigh untouchable.

and i was supposed to be the unstoppable freight train moving at breakneck speed. pffft.

Posted at 02:02 | | mash a maiden? | 2 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

19th Sep, 2009

hi, i am Ben the FREE.

mood: curious
music: BLOODY RAINDROPS -_-
Your Heart Craves Love
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
why am i this free?

Posted at 11:26 | | mash a maiden? | 1 mash | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

14th Sep, 2009

hi, i've been blown away.

location: where you are.
mood: indescribable
music: Can't Get Enough - Suede
ummm hi.

it's been quite a weekend.. a well extended one. first off happy birthday to me, because the past few days boomz me!

okay bad joke, but really lah i think the papers have gone too far by misquoting said person. just one thing that i'm not able to tolerate.. when people are misused, literally and/or figuratively. if it really did happen then fine, but no i personally do not condone the act of conjuring somethnig beyond the amount of ridicule already heaped.

i love you all. the big and little things which brought the life from the back of my head right into my very eyes is just really lovely. the family whom i never had a say about, the friends whom are everything i had a say about, right down to the sidekick acquaintances.. it's all good. no i'm not bo liao enough to go on to talk about the meals in detail. if you don't already know, then it's probably because i had better things to talk to you about in the first place (:

and sissyta i know we haven't actually formally celebrated, but knowing you is a gift as it is. anything above that is sheer gravy.

work's just like that. i don't know if it's supposed to be any better than going overseas. still, i'm trying to make the best of it.. and the best of my civilian time outside it.

i want a life of thrill. i'll get a firm grip on it, just watch ;)

Posted at 23:29 | | mash a maiden? | 1 mash | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

23rd Aug, 2009

hi, i am extremely excited.

mood: dirty
music: Blood on the Dance Floor - Michael Jackson
 ummm hi.

my room stinks and i know why. no la it's not a complete pig sty, but it has become a pretty good example of a frat boy's weekend home. not extremely messy or cluttered, but the kind that would make any nit-picking mum want to rip her hair senseless.

thank goodness i have a mess of a mum too :D

the course is coming to a close, and if things go my way i might just end up in a surdaG unit. now THAT'S going to be the serious stuff. getting dirty week in and out just for the purpose of whipping myself into discipline. but really, it's always the rubbish experiences that gets me smiling when i glance over my shoulder and look back.

i miss my messy mum when she's away for long periods sometimes, even though it's just the weekends that i ever get to see her.

holding up a match and striking firmly, the once again familiar grind permeates in the room. an ember fireball glows ravenously at the other end of the stick as he drags generously. the aerated clovebacco finds it way down the throat through pursed lips, the sweet after taste already stuck like glue to each raised little finger across the tongue and all over both lips. watching as the rain struck lightly around him, the cigarette served only to slap him deeper into the bottomless depths of introspect. so praytell, when it all comes to a close, who is to account, who is to be responsible? Ben. because absence feeds the fuel of passion.

Posted at 16:40 | | mash a maiden? | 2 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

8th Aug, 2009

hi, i am a chest thumping reddoterean.

mood: aggravated
music: La Copa de la Vida - Ricky Martin
ummm hi.

okay it's sad that my blog has become a monthly update, but frankly i'm doing so shamelessly :D

the course is still keeping my a happy camper.. and a psycho medic. the only thing which is keeping me sane is i have the passport to scream all i like whenever i want to, though strictly at the right time. imagine a fat needle being pushed into you and you'd get the idea.

national day approaches, and really this is going to form the bulk of the entry.

i love my country.

each time i recite the pledge, i recite it with a hell lot of heart. each time i sing the national anthem, i sing my iron lungs out.. simply because i love my country. sure there's lots of red tape lying around, and we ALL know that the country's but a puppet of the dynasty, but if we'd look around us and complain a whole lot lesser, you might find out that there's so much on the table for us to take.

so praytell, would you have the balls to stop what you're doing at precisely 2022 hours to recite the pledge when the siren booms across the island? no one's going to fault you if you're not going to bother, but i think it's worth thinking about the last time you actually did bother.

i love my country, and i'm god damn proud to be from this particular geographically insignificant feature. but really i don't give a shit.

have a good long weekend you all.

because all it takes is a smile to curve one out of another..

Posted at 08:30 | | mash a maiden? | 1 mash | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

5th Jul, 2009

hi, i'm a venipunctuator.

location: right there.
mood: pissed off
music: Why Does it Always Rain on Me - Travis
 ummm hi.

Annalakshmi proved its sustenance again.. a recent visit with two short by lovely thorns proved just that. i assume they enjoyed the meal as much as i did! ever the perfect dining experience.

oh and i learnt the cause of NOT having money fall from the sky: forgetting to check the mail for a particular cheque ;p

course is still great. venipuncture's the highlight of the week, complete with neon signs and ringing alarms each time. hit two out of three.. and kinda looking forward to using the needle more commonly used with ANIMALS. well we're all animals too, don't we share the same channel as the creatures that appear on National Geographic?

i refuse to mention any more about Michael Jackson, other than that his contributions to music have been monumental and will be unmatched for a time beyond mine. ta, and see you folks wherever, whenever.

Posted at 19:43 | | mash a maiden? | 1 mash | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

20th Jun, 2009

hi, i am a combat medic.

mood: devious
music: Someday We'll Know - New Radicals
ummm hi.

yay i'm a combat medic. training to commence come monday. am looking forward to going absolutely crazy in watermelon greens again. i expect.. nothing. i'd relish being in a new environment and learning new things of course.. though some tell me it's more of a refresher for me ;p

past week and a half has been fun. always good to burn money and time with good company. oh and burning weight too :D i actually lost weight, so i must be doing something right. onward and upwards.. to a less flabbering girth. or inwards.

i love all my friends and family. and the song i'm listening to now is disgustingly nostalgic ;) go listen, you might find it somewhere at the back of your head.

COMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

Posted at 17:32 | | mash a maiden? | 1 mash | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

14th Jun, 2009

hi, i've graduated.

location: where you are.
mood: silly
music: The Kids Aren't Alright - The Offspring
ummm hi.

i finally have. after a long 26 weeks, my recruit days are over. i have no desire to once again repeat how i've felt about it, but in closing this chapter, i can, and will always tell the world how proud i am to be an Eagle. the pride and love i have for being one is etched deep in me. otherwise, good luck to all new enlistees. with the passing of one cohort comes another. may the bayonet simmer in your blood like it did in mine.

one of the things which i used to do on a regular basis before enlisting was to donate blood. with my newfound temporary luxury of time, i fulfilled that self-declared obligation once again. to anyone who reads this, please do donate if you have yet to, and continue to do so if you already have. there are many others out there who'd give the world for you to menstruate off your arm through a mini-me yakult straw.

i have genuine reason to believe that i am, almost half the time, a female trapped in the integumentary bodice of a male. nevermind the undesirable physique.. it's all up in the head and down in the heart. how i speak, act and think sometimes convinces me of this strongly. and no, you don't have to speak like a stereotypical gay or sissy to speak like a female.. do think twice, then twice over again if you can't stomach this.

from the way i present myself, my mannerism, the way i express myself so freely on stage, with my beloved bass of choice.. right down to the way i smoke. take a close look, it can't be missed ;) am i straight? yes i am, and i have no need to prove this point at all. but nothing will stop me from appreciating the beauty of a fellow male. the lines between males and females continue to be a salad toss for me.

did you feel the tiny spark too? the perpetual flame burns gently yet lovingly.

Posted at 04:26 | | mash a maiden? | 4 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

7th Jun, 2009

hi, i'm about to graduate.

location: right there.
mood: devious
music: Vinushka - Dir en Grey
ummm hi.

yeah the first phase draws to a close. just the penultimate route march left before the glamourous parade proper. it's been quite the journey. camp's forever a madhouse, especially in the past 3 weeks or so. honestly, i'm glad it's all coming to an end. we can all move on to whatever the hell's up.

i'm glad with my weight loss. the results are beautiful, and i wish to keep up with the discipline for the rest of my life. after weight loss comes maintenance, and there's no one trick pony to that no? ;) i thank the people around me whose encouragement has been undying as my bulk..

life goes on, the world spins. i'm spinning along uncontrollably but not by my own choice, are you too?

Posted at 14:29 | | mash a maiden? | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

18th May, 2009

hi, i am off.

location: room.
mood: dirty
music: To the Moon and Back - Savage Garden
 *likely serious post ahead*

ummm hi.

yeah finally cleared off all the damned confinements i've collected along the way, and finally got the off that me and the rest earned back in March. life couldn't get more colourful eh? consecutive weeks of confinement really made me have a strong desire to make the most of my time as a civilian, as long or as short as it lasted.

in any case.. through no one else but myself, i've picked up the generally undesirable habit of smoking. yes i understand that to most, if not all i know, this is unbecoming of me, seeing that i am after all a nurse by training. i am trying my best to keep it to a minimum, to as little as i wish to. i don't feel the cravings coming in, and i hope it stays this way. all the better if i stop completely, of course.

reason why i decided to even bother saying all this is because i don't wish to stay under the blanket. i fully understand if you have a sudden negative opinion of me as a whole, and as much as i don't wish to say that i don't care about what people see me as, i fully understand the harmful effects of cancer sticks. i just wish to be accepted for the person that i am.

anyone is permitted to express their disappointment and disapproval to me. if you're going to totally ignore me, tell me before you start doing that. all this might seem too much, as though i were making a durian out of a durian seed, but i have actually been a little distressed about this in recent days.

i will not apologise if this is going to come as a shock to anyone because i simply won't.

have a good day.

Posted at 18:39 | | mash a maiden? | 5 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

9th May, 2009

hi, i have been sick.

location: room.
mood: horny
music: Mercy - Duffy
 ummm hi.

yeah i've been quite sick recently, though i'm much better now. thanks to all the friends who cared to care for me in your little ways (: the checking, the talking, the jacket, it all means much to a bloke who seldom falls sick ;)

oh and i haven't been blogging in a long time just because. life in camp is always so much more interesting to marvel about :D finished some rather interesting outfield events, learnt much from them all. the little things in life which no one can take away.. BMTC School beats whatever other school.

finally collected results from my civilian school as well, leaves one long chapter behind. i don't really care for my results, i believe i'll be able to find a job even with my rubbish results. i will let my enjoyment on the job show for itself ;)

my time in BMT is about to come to a close. it's longer than what most of you other idiots will be going through, but it was a very enriching one nonetheless. to you guys, don't dread army! it's all in the head. ;)

Suraj: i will miss you if you do actually leave..
SCC: it's early days, don't let all the rubbish get everyone pent up just yet ;)
Yi Min: JIE MUI i am always reachable by sms even though i may be in camp like forever.
Mie: HELLO SUGAR MOMMA YAN MIN'S COMING BACK SOON YAY I LOOK DIFFERENT YAY
Yan Min: uhhh. hi.

Posted at 17:59 | | mash a maiden? | 1 mash | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

4th Apr, 2009

hi, i am muddy.

location: mainland..
mood: predatory
music: noisy, cranky fan.
 ummm hi.

what's better than being able to hold a rifle and actually shooting live rounds? it's doing it and not just READING it here, trying to imagine what it really is like :D

yeah range wasn't too bad i guess, though i have to admit it was a lot more tiring than i expected it to be. at least now that it's done and over with, it's another thing off the list, albeit one of the easier ones to clear.

getting marksman wasn't of much value though. people should talk when they earn their marksmanship through the use of iron sights, not a scope. doubt that would ever happen in the near future.

oh going getting yourself full of gunk is what's better than shooting. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE WATER HARRRRRRR JUMP IN LAH YOU KUKUBIRD YOU NEHNEHPOK YOU PAPAYA BANANA

yes almost all of us had that screamed into our ears. it was worth it though. like some lanky sage said, it's a once in a lifetime experience.

the solution to all problems is to sign up for the army.. and the question to ask to any solution is "why didn't you?"

Posted at 01:10 | | mash a maiden? | 3 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

21st Mar, 2009

hi, i'm returning to heaven.

location: wooden desk.
mood: horny
music: Electric Barbarella - Duran Duran
 ummm hi.

so the past week has been wasted away as i lived the life of a civilian. do i need to repeat once again the need to be in camp in order to survive? being in the mainland for too long is like trying your darn best to breathe in a suffocating stratosphere.. which is everything that Pulau Tekong isn't.

Pulau Tekong is the Garden of Eden you've never met, the girl whose hands you've never held, and the glove which no hand is worthy of fitting. ahhh.. nothing is better than walking around in the lush greenery in your own greens.

you are the lowest maggot of life to have read the above and not appreciated it.

i thank those whom i have spent the past few days with for spending your time to.. remind me how much i miss being able to book in. you people are always fun but.. always know that you play second fiddle to my primary purpose in life.

shi lin: eat! eat! eat! eat!
yi min: hearts (:
yan min: i hope London capitualtes so you may return.
Mie: post a happy entry would you?
president and gang: don't mess up. if you do, don't mess the mess up.

bye all, i have gone to a better place. i am better than you, simply because i will be in a better place.

Posted at 17:25 | | mash a maiden? | 5 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

8th Mar, 2009

hi, i have much to say.

location: blue sofa.
mood: dirty
music: She's Gone - Steelheart
ummm hi.

oh look i actually have a blog. okay so the actual reason that i haven't been blogging is because i've yet to have the chance to meet my dad to get the PC he made for me, and my mum's own laptop has been down too. but yes here i am.

army life is still good and i'm still happily losing weight. i hope for this to continue even after my BMT days.. and beyond. i'm finally about to do guard duty, nevermind that it's all timed rather badly what with me missing out on a drinking party (i'm not one who appreciates alcohol much anyway) and SCC's gala dinner. come to think of it, i've yet to attend a single gala dinner.

and so the curtain closes to yet another one of SCC's Annual Concerts. once again, my suggested theme successfully made it. i guess there's just something attractive and eye-catching about having a theme which is simply NOT in English eh? ;p that aside..

there's always something special about simply being involved in the concert. you actually get to see people wanting hugs, perform at their best ever, and of course people who appear out of the blue to do the saikang that no one else wants to do.

i got to perform four beautiful songs this time around, and despite the little cockups here and there, who really cares? the concert is over, and it's always fun to pretend that nothing went wrong and you just continue performing like you really meant it :D the thrill of doing things that don't fall into the circle of normalcy, i say.

thanks very much firstly to the huge organising committee and respective members, though i doubt most or any of them would actually read this, for forming the skeleton of the concert, and then to the performers for breathing life into the skeleton. your energy, passion and enthusiasm on stage formed the raw flesh in presentation to the audience.

i believe the concert was a miracle. in all honesty and frankness, i didn't expect the concert to run with the smoothness that it did.

have a good day all. EAGLES!

Posted at 10:38 | | mash a maiden? | 3 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

1st Feb, 2009

hi, i need tat sing.

location: blue sofa.
mood: working
music: Who are You - The Who
ummm hi.

ever have a problem buying shoes when it's 12 and beyond? basket, even TAT SING also no stock for gorilla feet. i see myself getting a good barracking from one of the most colourful characters i have ever known..

meeting shih wing and mum later. been a long time waiting.. now this is one gentleman that i'd really call a friend. i wonder if he still remembers our childish little promise we made with each other that we'd be the best man for each others' weddings, heh.

lastly, this is long overdue, but a happy new year to all who bother to read.

oh and i pray the best for a good friend of mine. there is but one family under the heavens.. know that you have people who care for you truly (:

Posted at 12:11 | | mash a maiden? | 2 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

27th Jan, 2009

hi, i am homesick.

mood: ditzy
music: annoying chitter chatter in background.

ummm hi.

this is the longest time from home i've ever spent.. my residential bunk doesn't even compare. catching up with friends and family never goes wrong though (:

oh and i got to witness someone using the microphone to chat with someone else over the net for the first time. it's amusing how people get so excited over such little pleasures in life.. curiousity when satisfied is always a sight to behold whether it be subtle or overwhelmingly overwhelming.

i miss tekong. i miss being the resident idiot in the bunk, in the platoon, in the company. had pretty meaningful talks with the rest of the gang during the course of the week, hopefully the transparency would help open us up to each other just that little bit more.

just as training is progressive, so are its perceived parallels.


 

Posted at 01:34 | | mash a maiden? | 1 mash | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

11th Jan, 2009

hi, i need help.

location: blue sofa.
mood: quixotic
music: Everyday I Love You Less and Less - Kaiser Chiefs
ummm hi.

i have serious problems adjusting to a civilian life.. why doesn't the mainland have an orientation officer like in tekong? i am very homesick, i need to return to my bunk to recharge my batteries.

seriously must come up with another water parade chant, everyone lacking brain juice to come up with something quick and catchy. if can last for at least 1 month i also happy.

am not looking forward to wearing the new pixelated no. 4 in the near future..

Posted at 17:12 | | mash a maiden? | 2 mashes | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

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